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I’ve got a grenade stuck in my teeth and i’m pulling at the pin…

August 16, 2008

Shit was intense today but it hasn’t brought me down from my transient happiness, I can’t pay rent, I can’t pay bills, I am outta chupa chups, i’m gonna be living on ketchup sandwiches and beans on toast for the next two weeks and i’ll have nil hours in work. On the upside I have my own room now and Lee gets here in 5 days yeeeeah! My jew fortune will bring me money.

Rouln made a sausage roll!

Better than you

Better than you

She also made an apple crumble with rice cream that looked a lot like semen. It was difficult to seperate imagery from physicality but I plundered through. It was most ambrosial, even though she sneaked some walnuts in there.

Moving onto more philosophical subjects, this is what’s been on my mind more recently..

Lately I’ve been thinking about and discussing the various differences between the priorities of men and women. It’s hard not to sound like I feel “wronged” by my sex or as if I’m blaming my [not as stable as most but more than a lot] upbringing and relationship history for the choices I’ve made in the past but it’s the reason why i’m embittered by the fact that so many females – myself included – yearn to be lusted after. I hate that I’m even writing about this too, I find it obnoxious when people feel obliged to add their “two cents” to the world and especially this oft tossed around subject. I’m just another recycled hypocrite so i’ll continue… My question is this: Why is it that some girls will choose to remove their clothes to be photographed (or photograph themselves, it’s 2008) or choose to sleep with men in order to find a sense of validation in their life? I’m still no closer to figuring out why girls crave that kind of attention from their male “counterparts”. This question lingers after many lengthy discussions left unresolved and with an agitated taste in our mouths as a result of getting to grips with the meat of the subject. The closest I’ve come to figuring out why some girls sleep around or choose nudity as a source for male attention is that it’s really the only thing a man has the least control over. Desire is a powerful and destructive emotion and it seems, typically, a man’s Achilles heel. It’s the easiest way for a woman to get what she “wants” if what she wants is a fleeting surge of passion followed lickety-split with a generous helping of rejection and callous chauvinism, or what is known as “the modern male”. I’ve sat down with myself too many times, feeling lachrymose and saddened at the fact that I just gave myself away so easily, again. In the throws of passion it all seems worth it, you’re blinded by the heat and once the act itself is over and done with, you’re left feeling morally defunct and a little humiliated. Mainly because you already broke your New Year’s resolution and it’s no where near pancake day. The priorities of men are so far removed from what women feel is important it’s a wonder we manage to get along so well at all, let alone spend years by each other’s sides. I have no idea what is important to a man other than achieving acceptance from other men. This notion of seeking approval is no more prevalent than in the “hardcore” community that I choose to slot myself into. It’s inexplicable and fueled by a sense of wanting to be held in favourable regard by the more in vogue characters that manipulate this particular ‘brotherhood’……………………………….Blah, I can’t be bothered to go on. I’m just bitter I wasn’t born a dude.

I’ll no doubt continue to compromise my principles for personal gain, and so will the rest of you. Awesome.

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