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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

May 13, 2009

So today I started work after a two and a half month celebration of rest (has it been that long?)  In that time i achieved the skilled art of idleness – it’s difficult to encapsulate in words the effort and toil that goes into being as idle as I.  Also the art of living with almost zero jew gold.  In that time though, i did manage to appreciate sunny afternoons, picnics, free hangs, reader’s block, music metamorphasis still ongoing, breathe me, les animaux amoureux, some horse down the road and i learnt Unfaithful by Rihanna on the piano which really only took two afternoons and i did that last week. I can’t sing at the same time though.  It’s a tragic loss for the world never to hear my RnB voice (except Butler street).

Anyway, i’m working back at my old firm which is a pharmaceutical company, not very vegan and which also now has a newly established research and development building next to it, not vegan at all.  Consciences aside, i recalled an embarassing encounter from my first day of work there circa Feb 2007.  At the time it made the internal me want to unzip my skin like a sleeping bag, jump out and run off screaming down the hallway leaving a blood-spattered trail of humiliation behind me.  The story goes like this:

I started my day being shown the ropes by what was to be my co-worker, she was doing a great job at making me welcome, showing me where the tea and sugar was and whatnot.  I met the man who was to be my boss and he was being courteous by introducing me to the team i was to work with.  A small crowd of four gathered as my boss told them a few Amy facts, where i’d worked previously, my interests blah blah.  He started saying names at me and with each person i shook their hand and accompanied it with a warm ‘Hello’…..then came the maverick.   Central to the marketing team, young and handsome, he shimmied in like a dashing Fred Astaire  just as i got to the last person.  With a smile  he shook my hand and started to lean in, or so i thought…the next few miliseconds ruined my entire week.  Because he was leaning towards me and because i’m sometimes unsure of what to do in certain social situations i started to lean in too, before i knew it my lips had formed a pout and landed smack on his cheek.  With our bodies as one i’m thinking:

“oh

my

shit”

 I’m still surprised to this day that my brains didn’t explode out the back of my head from the sheer excrutiating indignity of it all.

Meanwhile, as this is happening my boss is still talking in the background and, platitudes-a-flowing, introducing our latest addition to the group.  The moment I land the kiss [of death] he stopped mid-sentence and silence befell everyone, i pulled away and returned to my previous position, hand floating mid-air waiting for the shake that instead was replaced by my utter incompetance at living and questioning whether i had gone deaf or if this harrowing moment of silence had in fact been happening for an infinite amount of time.  If a record been playing it would have jerked and stopped, if a flock of birds been nearby by they would have dispersed, had a horse been nearby it would have spooked….you get the idea.  A saharan wave of heat hit me as the hemoglobin rushed through my veins, my cheeks flushed bright red,  i laughed awkwardly, someone made a joke about me being “friendly” …i’m not sure what it was, i was too busy thinking about all the blood vessels and non-essential organs currently rupturing all over my body.  It was such a fucked up moment.  Needless to say i beat a hasty retreat to my desk and spent most of the day in the post room.

 

oh and p.s YES, it was EXACTLY like that episode in friends except with more people watching.

~ ~ ~

Mother, being the treasure squirreler she is, found this in one of her hoarding places and gave it to me to devour whilst watching 40 days and 40 nights anddownloading grizzly man aaaand contemplating new hair.

 

IMG_0104

 

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