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Vicky Cristina Barcelona….and Pablo.

October 24, 2009

I went to see Pablo Francisco, super super funny.  Naturally.  I’ve tried uploading the clips i filmed to youtube but it’s failing me.  There was a queue to get your photo taken with him at the end but it was too long and i didn’t care that much.

Prior to that though i did some window shopping on Oxford Street and there was something about the day that meant i was an electro magnet for the weird.  My mother emits the same strange frequency, for reasons unknown we give off a “hey psycho, come talk to me!” vibe which results in stalkers, weirdos and nutcases feeling the need to invade our lives.  Not three seconds after entering this place:

IMG_6324

I hear (in a french accent) “omg baby are you a model? you’re a model aren’t you HA HA HA you are lovely look at you darling look at you!” me: “pardon? ..haha…no i’m not” what followed was a verbal sputum of sentences such as “i want to kiss you, will you let me kiss you??” “you are so cute! i want you to be in my next movie!!!” and “i want to invite you to Milan next weekend, we will drink wine, i’ll buy you anything you want and we’ll have some passionate love making” bear in mind this was TWO minutes after i’d walked into the place and i hadn’t even ordered.  I thought ‘this is so fucking typical, i’m starving and i’ve been looking forward to this food for hours and now some french cunt is about to ruin everything, i really hope he doesn’t sit at my table’ but i’d stupidly replied “eat in” when asked my preference by the waiter.  I figured i’d sit outside in the freezing in hopes it might deter him but he didn’t care and came and joined me anyway. Before he’d even sat down he was pitching himself to me.  Amongst the questionable selling points he was making he showed me a back catalogue of all the females he’d recently had sex with, studiously pointing out which ones were great in bed, the stupid ones, the ones in his movies and the ones he bought expensive jewellery for.  As if i wasn’t already convinced what a ‘big fish’ i was in the presence of, he gave me his business card and told me to type his name into youtube and watch the trailers for his films.  This came up:

Sterling acting as you can see. Big budget too by the looks of things :|  Anyway, the funniest part of it all was that when he was flicking through his ‘gallery of hoes’ on his iPhone, there were a dozen random pictures of his balding head oddly nestled in between the studio shots of his girlfriends.  He explained he had been going bald, had started taking a new wonder drug and then to prove it, showed me his slightly less balding scalp in real time.  What do you say in such situations?  “oh yes..yes..i can see it’s really working…” I’m eating my fucking dinner you slimey dildo, if you sit any closer to me you’ll be on my lap. “promise you’ll email me? promise?” me: “yes i promise i will email you” I laughed as i watched him walk away in his wanky prada suit and cufflinks and thought what an odd exchange that had been.  Sorry guy, desperate, unattractive, balding,  middle-aged millionaires just don’t do it for me.

That day i also gave an interview to NME magazine about my thoughts on The White Stripes – not sure any of the words were publishable and i had a lone man on a bicycle yell “hey pussy puss *kisses teeth* wanna suck on my *something inaudible*” i think i can guess what it was along the lines of.  Uh.  Men!

fagin

wgc train station

bst

Worst vegetarian place ever, it’s just chips and lettuce.

grim

burnt my mouth with all the sugar they are so good

wesc

creepy river

creepy street

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One Comment leave one →
  1. deanosc permalink
    October 25, 2009 1:06 am

    Frenchy sounds like the man!! hahahaha Epic!!

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