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Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it’s better if you do.

November 22, 2009

Els threw a soiree that was really meant to be boardgames and munchies and cupcakes.  I forced her into making it themed so i could wear a pink wig and a tight dress (pimps ‘n’ hos).  Essentially it was just me and Sarah that “dressed up”.  Sarah and I scared a lot of Els’ younger brother’s friends, just by being present.  They were only 17, bless.

The problem with taking photos of yourself all the live long day is that you can take an infinite amount of them until you feel one is flattering enough (one that isn’t a really true depiction of your real self) to upload to the www.  As soon as someone else takes the camera from my hands i die inside because i realise what i ACTUALLY look like.  I am much better looking in my head.

Here’s what went down.  I started off my camera whoring with some light bedroom posing:

These are for you Myspace..

I have no idea why those children were so nervous..

Felt that was enough and made my way to the soiree…

“do a nice face amy” “ok”

played a bit of the ol’ HumBug before the part-ay…

“Frosty’s the name, cougaring’s the game…”

There’s a possibility that if you look directly at these wig pictures, your retinas will burn.

10 years on still going strong

Seth had said something obscene at shutter release.

Sarah tells funny jokes


The best chandelier i’ve ever seen.  It was basically fruits and baubles made of glass.

Tom: “ok pick a card…ok…right…hold on..right put it back in the pack…..ok…..hold on…is that your card?” Amy: “no.”

Tom found this bionic arm in a bush outside, no one wanted to go near him because we thought, at some point in time, a dog must have shit on it.  “For goodness sake Tom, we’re in Hertfordshire! save it for The North.”

Note: all the girls in this photo are 17, all the boys are 24 and over.  Successful party integration.

I was the only sober person at this party yet i was the only one not to understand the premise of this stand up boardgame.  Clearly sobriety didn’t allow me to enter into the part of my brain that participation in this game requires.

Tom is an outrageous BNP supporter.

This is what everyone was seeing at the end of the night i think.

Shortly after Dancy turned us all into dust with his laser eyes, an ambulance was called for some drunk 17 year old  fucktard that had passed out upstairs by her knobdicker of a boyfriend (a 23 year old) who was too ashamed to take her home to her parents and thus wasted the valuable services of the paramedics.  We all laughed at this fact and how in “our day” our attitude was rock n roll, puke it out and carry on dancing.  Kids these days, tsk.

Other details included:

Acute racism from the only asian in the house

Everyone awkwardly laughing at said racist jokes like the polite middle classes we are

Alvin Stardust

Bionic arm frog throwing

Bionic arm malteser throwing

More card tricks

People i haven’t seen for 5 years

“Why does aspirin work? because it’s white.”

“What’s black and doesn’t work? Half the country”

“is that your fanny that smells? no? Oh, must be your feet then”

Pimp backhanders

Apple and Mango juice is the bomb

Trying to estimate, by using our hands as a measure, the amount of music we are “aware” of in the world.  No one was clear on the definition of “aware” and each one of us was shocked at each other’s answers.  We spent five minutes trying to achieve an accurate answer.

Ricky Martin

Strangely, there was no nudity.  I’m not sure whether to submit these photographs to the dos and don’ts section of Vice magazine…?

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